Monday, April 9, 2012

For my Mini Me

This morning we sat, smushed together on that comfy brown couch hidden down in the basement.  Our cold toes were touching and our arms intertwined and wrapped together in funny angles.  I held my coffee in one hand and you in my other. I could feel your hot breath on my cheek and your messy blonde ringlets invaded my space.  
But I didn't mind. All I could think about was how far we've come.  How you've become my very best companion.  How every word, every smile, every moment with you is making up for lost time. And then, all of a sudden you leaned in closer and pressed your tiny lips to my bare shoulder as if you were reading my mind.  You didn't have to look at me or say a word.  That little kiss was enough.  It's as if you knew my heart at that very moment.  And I believe that you do.  
Someday, I'm going to tell you our story.  I'm going to tell you about all of the good and the bad and the everything in between that you and I went through to get to this place.  And I'm going to tell you that you were born to heal me.  Because more than ever, I believe that.  I believe that before you, I was afraid to love and to be loved.  Before you and even after you, my heart was hurting.  But there's something about this journey you and I have gone on together.  This journey has taught me that to really, deeply love someone, you have to be willing to endure the pain of pain. To endure and learn from it so that you can live and love freely in the future.  
A very important person in my life once told me to take out a picture of myself as a little girl.  To look at that picture and to tell the little girl in that picture, "You are good enough." "You are worth enough." "You have value." And I thought about this idea.  And after thinking for a while, I realized that I don't need that picture of me as a little girl.  You are that little girl for me.  
God gave me a mini-me.  There's a reason that you have the same blonde mop, big blue eyes and tiny squirmish frame that I did when I was three. There's a reason you love art and running and old people just like me. And no, I'm not going to chalk it up to genetics.  I have a mini-me, because God in His perfect wisdom knew that I needed to heal and that the only way to heal the right way was to do it through learning to love.  
And that's what this has been for you and I.  A journey of learning how to love. That moment we had this morning, it wasn't just a moment.  It was a photograph in time, where I can look at the "us" we've become and see how I've learned to love you and how I've learned to love myself.  There was a point in time when I didn't know either was possible.  There was a time when I looked at you and thought "I can't do this.  I wasn't meant to do this."  And now my sweet girl, I know that both are possible. And I look at you and I think, "I can!"

A very special thanks to Heather over at The Extraordinary Ordinary for giving me the inspiration I needed to write this post.  From one momma to another, you are amazing.

1 comment:

  1. What a beautiful post! Thank you so much for your comment on my blog. Our kids will thank us for writing all this one day, I'm sure of it. :)