Sunday, January 4, 2015

Where Is the Love

Two things I desire more than anything to teach my babies as they grow,  are to stay true to themselves and to stand firm in their knowledge of God's love for them. 
Over the past week I've realized just how far I still have to walk in my own path of learning to stand firm in these truths.
So I question, how can I as a momma teach my children to love who they are, to let go of what others think of them and to really rest in God's love, when I myself am clearly struggling with all of these?
I don't watch much television, but when I do, I've noticed a common theme of watching as a way to distract or numb.  I watch television to take away from the hard stuff in my day.  To take my mind off of playing Barbies for hours on end or to make little stuffed animals talk. I watch when the kids go to bed to forget the toughest parts of being a momma and sometimes because I just want to feel like an adult.
But I don't want to do this anymore.  I don't want to just drown out parts of my day. I want to live more intentionally and to invest in my kid's lives and in the lives of my friends and family.  So we canceled our television service. I made a commitment to love more, to live more deeply and to invest my time more significantly.  But I wasn't quite prepared for what I learned this week.
What I saw this week in myself is that social media plays a huge role in how I view my self worth.  When I didn't have the television to turn to or to play in the background and to tune out the Barbie voices, I immediately turned to my phone.  I had to see who had posted most recently and who had "liked" or commented on my photos.
I would love to sit here and say that I don't have an issue with self worth and that I'm completely comfortable in my own skin. I would love to say that I'm not looking for validation from friends (or even perfect strangers for that matter).  But good grief, have I realized this week how untrue that is.  So much of my heart is for transparency among mommas, and if I'm being completely honest, I have a long ways to go in loving myself and in looking beyond the approval of others.  I have a long way to go in resting solely in God's satisfaction and love for me. 
A few nights ago I prayed that God would help me to see how deep rooted these insecurities are and how I can overcome them.  I don't want to be a slave to the approval of others.  I want to rest secure in who I am and not in what other's opinions of me are.  I want to want God's best for me and I'm pretty sure that His best isn't signing on to instagram several times an hour to see who has "liked" my photos or read my most recent blog post. 
@Shaychocran (shameless plug to follow this momma on instagram) wrote this--
"You know all those images you just scrolled through in your feed?" That vacation you wish you were on... that house you wish you lived in...Those followers you wish were yours...That outfit you wish you could afford... That talent you wish you wish you had...That family that looks so happy...Those friends you wish were yours...I know we don't think about it that way, while we are flipping through instagram, double clicking away, but those seeds of discontent get sown almost unrecognizably in my heart and I know I'm not the only one.  Guard your heart sisters.  I love instagram but contentment and joy are NOT going to be found here. If anything, any joy we felt for a moment gets very quickly robbed in the minutes spent casually catching up on the day in instagram.  God loves you so much and wants to give you true lasting joy and satisfaction. The kind that you won't find here...or anywhere else.  So if your heart is full of angst, or sadness or loneliness or insecurity or just low level discontentment, do yourself a favor and put your phone down.  Joy CAN be yours.  Just go to the source. 'Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever will drink of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.' John 4:13-14"
Can I get an, "Amen"?  This woman speaks truth.
I read this post tonight and it was like an answer to my prayer.  First off, a validation that I'm certainly not alone in my insecurities (because lets face it-- often times we convince ourselves that we are the only ones on planet momma to struggle with (x) (y) or (z)...)
And secondly, Shay Chocran's post was a swift kick in the pants to give me a solution for exactly what I needed to do to help kick this insecurity of mine to the curb.
So, at the risk of sounding super cliché, I'm giving up instagram for a week (or maybe more).  Just to get some sensibility back and to remind myself of what's most important.  To spend more time engaging my kids and looking to the Lord for where my value and self worth lies. 
Because these two are so worth it.  Because the way I view myself is going to shape them more than I realize.  Because how much I depend on others for my value and self worth is going to fill them deep and it's going to make them go searching for their value in all the wrong places. 
Because I want their God sized void to be filled with God and not the fillings of what the world will tell them is important.
So I think I'll go learn now for the three of us.

So, if you've made it this far, I promise I'll be back soon.  I'll be back to post more photos of my babies and to share more of the real and the honest moments of motherhood.  But for this week at least, I'll be on the floor making dinosaurs roar.  I'll be playing lots of candy land and princess monopoly.  And during nap times I'll be resting myself and seeking God's heart how He sees me first and foremost--  not from the "likes" of my instagram followers ;)


  1. I commented on your instagram forgetting you weren't using it anymore haha :) Love this!! And love the pictures in this! You are doing great with the new camera!

    1. Thanks Kristin! And I absolutely LOVE my camera. I can not put it down. I just wish you lived closer so you could give me pointers! Can you send me your email address?

  2. Sorry I just saw this!! :)