Wednesday, February 4, 2015

What's Your Purpose?

So, woman to woman, mom to mom, here's my confession for the week: 
Lately I've been struggling so much with purpose
Like, what is mine?  I'm at such a strange place in my life. 
For the first time since Mackenzie was born I'm just a mom. 
And yes, I know all of you fellow mommas out there are probably doing a large eye roll because obviously none of us are ever "just a mom".
We are always on duty. We are cookers and bakers, house keepers, laundry washers, folders, ironers, errand runners, doctor appointment makers..
Heck, we might as well be considered doctors ourselves for how often we are trying to cure the sniffles and diagnose ear infections...
Yes, I realize the list never ends. 
But hold the eye rolls and stick with me while I do some soul baring for a minute or two.  Maybe you can relate.
After Levi was born I had the blessing of working from home for a full year. And let me tell you-- what I learned is this:
Work from home mommas--you should all be graced with shiny gold crowns upon your heads and all of you should be sporting gigantic "super mom" capes.
Because...dang.  It. is. HARD work being a work-from-home-mom. The hardest.  
I did it for a year before I finally cried mercy.  To you mommas who work from home full time with no end in have my total respect.
This past fall I had the honor and absolute privilege to work with an elderly friend Gale in her home before she passed away.  Those three months were like a breath of fresh air for my heart.  I'm not going to lie-- end of life care is so difficult.  But when you are working with someone you love and doing something you are incredibly passionate about-- it never really feels like actual work
So, fast forward to now-- for the first time since Mackenzie was born, I am "just" a stay at home momma. Again, I use that word very lightly. And it's not that I'm not grateful.  I know mommas who would give anything for this opportunity. I am so grateful and thankful that I'm able to stay at home with my babies.  But if I'm really being honest-- I'm really struggling with how the Lord is going to use me next.  I am in a place of waiting and I believe He has called me to wait on His timing. 
I have such a passionate heart for blessing and encouraging other mommas and I pray that my honesty is refreshing and encouraging to even one single other momma out there who needs to be reminded that she isn't alone.  So, in one sense that is why I'm writing.  Because maybe I'm not alone.  Maybe one of you is waiting like I am. 
And the struggle is not bad.  I really believe that it's in this place of waiting and wrestling, while I'm waiting that God is preparing me for how and when He will use me.  If life was always an easy ride, there would be no refinement, no chipping away at the parts of me that need to grow and learn. 
And so here's one thing I am learning--If in fact I am not actually waiting on another sweet little old lady to need me, then that is okay. If I never lift another finger outside of this house then that IS okay.
Two weekends ago I attended the Mom Heart conference put on by author Sally Clarkson and several other wonderful mommas.  I didn't honestly know what I was in for when I signed up.  I didn't know any other mommas who would be there so I felt very much like a nervous junior high girl on the first day of school. I didn't even know the theme of the weekend.  All I knew is that I was certain God has told me to go and that it would be worth it. 
Well, the theme ended up being "Own Your Life-- Living A Legacy of Faith". 
And what I came away from my weekend with was this--
 These beautiful babies I've been gifted to raise-- they are my legacy.  They are my calling.  As their momma, their well being and their eternal souls are my responsibility. And man, what a calling that is.  What a privilege and an honor.
I'm not saying I won't still struggle with a sense of purpose.  I'm struggling today actually, which is why I am writing. 
It's very easy for me to forget my purpose when the laundry pile starts to resemble the mountains along the Denver skyline and when I haven't showered in a day or two. 
 But know this momma (as I remind myself too)-- if you never, ever work another day in your life outside of the home-- your purpose is worth it because your purpose is raising your babies to be good, kind people. 
Your purpose to raise your little man to follow after the heart of God. 
Your purpose is to teach your little girl to be compassionate and to dream big. 
Your purpose is found in the heart to hearts you have with your babies each day.
It is found in the pajama clad kitchen dances you do with them on the cold snowy days when all they want to do is run outside and play.
  Your purpose as a momma matters the most because your purpose is in helping to build the hearts of the little people who are going to go out and change the world someday.
Your purpose matters.

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