Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Today I Choose...

This morning I poured dog food in the water bowl and posted a blog wishing everyone a "Happy Monday!".  
Good heavens, are any other mommas out there running on fumes like I clearly am? 
For the past three weeks I've been fighting a cold that just will not take a hike, all while trying desperately to be a good wife and momma and finish out my marathon training. I'll be completely honest, lately I've just been happy to have made it to the end of the day with everyone alive.
But I don't enjoy this type of living-- if we can really even call it that.  I'm sure we all go through seasons of life where we feel like we're just surviving and there's absolutely no thriving. 
The other day Jeremy passed me his Bible and said, "Read this."  My husband has a connection with God that just blows my mind.  So when he tells me that the Lord is speaking to me I usually try to listen. 
"I saw that all labor and all skillful work is due to a man's jealousy of his friend. 
This too is futile and a pursuit of the wind. 
The fool folds his arms and consumes his own flesh. 
Better one handful with rest than two handfuls with effort and a pursuit of the wind."  Ecclesiastes 4:4-6
I had to re-read that passage over and over and over.  It floored me
God was giving me permission to rest. 

To let go of my pride-- because let's just call it what it is. 
It is pride when I have a "to do" list and it's largely out of a desire to look and feel like I have life put together.  With a healthy meal on the table and a clean house and an instagram feed filled with my kids doing the latest holiday Pinterest craft.  
To just rest and be content with what I can do today.
God doesn't care if our dishes are done or if our floors are vacuumed of all of our day's pelted food. 
God doesn't want us on empty mommas.  And I know that is SO hard to grasp. 
I can't tell how many nights, I'm at my grumpiest with the kids at bedtime.  I growl at them when they beg for just, "One more book mommy!"  And I snap at them to brush their teeth faster.  And then I sink onto the couch and just breathe out a day's worth of exhaustion once that bedroom door of sleepy children if finally closed. 
So here's some encouragement today for you if you need it.  From one momma to another. 
From God's heart to your heart.
Go rip up that "to do" list. 
Okay, well maybe don't rip it up.  Just grip it a lot less tightly.  I know some of you Emily Ley types just thrive on structure ;)
Really though, what makes your heart come alive?
What brings your heart, your soul and your body true rest? 
What can you do for yourself and your family that will bring life today?  What expectations of yourself can you let go of that will ultimately fill you up?
If having a sink empty of dishes makes you come alive then by all means-- stick a movie on for your babies and get those dishes done. 
But if watching that movie and snuggling with your babies is what really makes you come alive-- what really gives you rest-- then go do that.   Let those dishes sit. 
Is having a cup of coffee in hand and a good book at nap time really what makes you come alive-- what really gives you rest? 
Or is tackling that mound of laundry because you feel like it just has to be done? 
You choose-- but make it a wise choice. Because your heart and the heart of those closest to you are what's at stake. 
"Better one handful with rest than two handfuls with effort and a pursuit of the wind."
Isn't it better that we learn to live our lives with less accomplished, less done, less envied and desired so that ultimately we have the energy to keep up with our babies, to really pursue their hearts and to engage them? 
To really pursue the heart of the man you love?  I bet he'll care less about the crossed off "to do" list at the end of the day if when he walks in the door he finds a wife and momma who is well rested, content and filled up. 
I'll be honest-- This is not the place I've been lately. 
This is not how I've been operating. 
So today and this week, I'm choosing to rest.  I'm choosing to do less and to be less.  And my prayer is that by choosing this "lesser" option-- that ultimately I'm choosing more.  Who else is with me?

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