Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Someday Baby -- Hope & Joy in the Waiting

As we've been anticipating the coming (and passing) of another Baker Baby due date (because my babies don't ever come "on time"), I recalled back to a letter that I wrote our baby long before he or she was growing inside of me.  It was a letter I wrote in the waiting, back in the fall of 2015

And oddly enough, here I am, still waiting.  Now though, I am waiting on the any minute arrival of this wiggle worm who has been taking up residence beneath my heart for the past 9 + months.  As I read this letter today for the first time in over a year, I cried.  And I smiled. I cried because the waiting has been so incredibly hard.  But I smiled because I wouldn't have traded the waiting for anything. 

I know that sounds so cliché.  But it's so true.  It's been through this waiting, this longing, to see LIFE come to our home again, that Jesus has given me a deeper understanding of what it means to be hopeful in BOTH the earthly desires and gifts we pray for but also for far more than that... 

I have gained a greater depth and understanding of what it means to HOPE for Jesus and to wait in expectancy for eternity, for the restoration of pain and suffering and to see the beauty made from ashes in the GREATEST way possible.  Oh, how my heart longs for the day that I can meet Jesus and rest fully in HIM. 
“Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?”   - John Keats
I would encourage each of you mommas who finds herself in the earthly waiting for another child, to write.  Whether this baby is to come biologically, through fostering or adoption.  Whether you've had repeated miscarriages or been told there is, "no hope".  There is ALWAYS hope, even if it doesn't manifest in the time or fashion that we in our humanness have envisioned.

 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." 

- Proverbs 13:12

As the waiting continues over the next week or so and I anticipate the imminent arrival of our new son or daughter, I find peace in knowing that God's timing is sovereign.  The waiting is NEVER without a purpose.  I can smile to every family member, friend and perfect stranger who stares at my giant belly and asks, "Still pregnant?"  Yes.  Yes, for now I still am. And, God, in His wisdom has chosen the exact moment that our family will welcome our newest member.  I will rest in knowing that,  just as we've waited for years now to meet this little life, the extra minutes I'm waiting on are purposeful and intentional even if I don't always understand "the why". 

Dear Someday Baby,

 We haven’t met yet but I’ve been dreaming of you for a long time. 
Two years, four months and four days to be exact.  The day your big brother was born I told your daddy that I couldn’t wait to meet you.  Some might laugh and tell me that I should have been enjoying myself in the moment, that I had my hands full enough. 

But the truth is, even then I knewI knew that our little family wasn’t yet complete.  And every day since then I have thought of you, prayed for you, hoped for you.  When I watch your older sister and brother playing together in the sunlight of our living room, I ache for you because I know that there’s a heartbeat of our family still absent. 

When I find your sister reading to your brother, all snuggled together under the covers, I smile.  But behind that smile is a whole lot of yearning and wondering when you will finally be here with us. 

I wonder when you will join in on our story times and giggle at all of Frog and Toad’s Adventures and sing along to all of our silly Pete the Cat songs. 

I envision hide and seek, where you are the third one piled high on wiggly laps while each of you giggle and fail in your attempts stay quiet from our bedroom closet.

I picture another pajama clad blondie to join us during our Christmas tradition of pizza and hot chocolate and driving around to, “Ooooh” and “Ahhhh” at all of the brightly lit homes.  I would welcome the extra set of sticky fingers and sleepy yawns just to have you here with us this year. 

I smile and (shudder) when I think of trying to wrangle another wiggly baby for family photos.

I wonder what you will look like.  If you will have the same blue eyes as your big sister and brother or maybe you’ll be the brown eyed baby to finally match your Aunt Kelsey. 

I look at our dining room table and I know deep down that one of the extra seats is being saved for you. 

I didn’t know back when I started to dream that it would take so long to meet you. And some days my sweet baby, it seems like it’s been an eternity. 

So we wait. 

We wait through long weekend trips to our favorite little mountain towns, through summer birthdays and Fourth of July fireworks and wedding celebrations. 

We wait through tears and broken hearts as we send another sweet baby to heaven. 

We wait as the summer heat begins to lessen and the autumn leaves begin to fall and spiral their whirlwind of eccentric colors.  As we anticipate the coming of the winter snow and as we start to plan holiday travel and February trips to Disney World. 

And through all of this waiting, deep down I’m praying that you’ll be our little secret soon to keep.

I know that God’s timing is good and perfect.  And I know that He is preparing me to be the very best momma for you.  But goodness, if I could speed up time, I sure would.

I love you my baby.  I can’t wait to meet you and hold you and share with you all of the secrets of my heart.  I can’t wait to sing Back To Pooh Corner and to dance with you in our little galley kitchen while we make up for lost time.

Until then my sweet baby, you are so loved! Momma

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